Heal Me

Guest writer: Dr. Phillip E. Graham, Doctor of Philosophy I in Counseling Psychology |WGC| Uprising

Mental Health (MH) has been a major buzz word as of late; it’s a term that has been in heavy rotation in the zeitgeist, on the tip of our tongues, burning our ears and on the pulse of this generation. However, as a culture we have become increasingly desensitized to MH issues, at least based on many of the comments on social media in regards to issues surrounding this topic. Black mental health is in a state of crisis and the collective conscious is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  However, the Black community has seemingly been left out of the conversation about MH. Black women have shown an increase in post-partum depression, Black children are being ushered in to special needs classes, which has inadvertently created a direct route to the preschool-to-prison pipeline, and suicide rates have increased significantly just to name a few.

Despite the fact that MH concerns have reached an all-time-high, there are very few celebrities, artist and people talking about it, with the exception of Charlemagne tha God, Taraji P. Henson, J. Cole and Kendrick Lamar. Yussha Assad and Raheem Devaughn have decided to take on the challenge of discussing MH concerns among Black men with his latest track, Heal Me. This song is a breath of fresh air as he speaks to many of problems that are crippling Black men emotionally. Researchers suggest, of all the health concerns faced by Black men, mental health challenges may be among the most stigmatized (Holden, McGregor, Blanks, & Mahaffey, 2012; Watkins & Jefferson,2013). Raheem starts singing over staccato piano composition and Yusha begins to engage in a dialog that takes place between father and son on a conscious and subconscious level.

Yusha recalls stories of fatherhood that I’m sure many of us can relate to, of how often men prefer to swallow their pain without a healthy outlet. In many ways, we are our own worst enemies. As Black men, we have been taught to reject seeking and asking for help, challenge conventional wisdom, and many of us continue to perpetuate antiquated beliefs about masculinity. Far too often we internalize our feelings and project our insecurities on to our children, passing down trauma as a rite of passage. We have been conditioned to not show our vulnerabilities and many of us relish in the display of our most toxic traits to validate our perception of manhood. Yusha addresses all of these facets in his latest track and many of the lyrics of his song resonated with me in very profound ways.

As a psychotherapist, I couldn’t help but recall the litany of sessions with young Black men that have reiterated this troupe. Yusha provides an antidote about the deeply complited relationship we have as men opening up and expressing our needs. While he tells a very detailed story about a narrative that is very common, what I enjoyed most is that he also provided sound and rational interventions to help shift the social consciousness to a state of healing and awareness. He identifies healthy coping mechanisms such as exorcise, yoga, meditation, journaling and talk therapy to sublimate for anxiety, depression, fear, doubt and worries. As men, we all experience these things on some level but we are not often comfortable talking about it. Who are we going to talk to about our problems without sounding weak or needy? When is it acceptable to express our concerns and who can bear the burden of our problems?

I recently read a meme posted by @Cthagod which states: “You are not responsible for the programming you received in childhood. As an adult, you are absolutely responsible for fixing it.” Iyanla Vanzant said that “If trauma can be passed down, then so can healing.” Despite not having the tools to adequately address our issues, perhaps the approach to internal healing can be found in the lyrics of this song. To speak is to release, to release is to no longer internalize which has metaphysical, psychological, and emotional healing properties. There is a spiritual adage that states, “Life and death is in the power of the tongue” Proverbs 18:21. We can speak health, wealth, healing, and prosperity into our lives; unfortunately, the converse is just as true. Nonetheless, words alone cannot change ones’ circumstances. It’s the actions that we put behind our words that make the difference.

If you can take one thing away from this song, other than a dope beat, masterful lyrics and the soothing sound of Raheem Devaughn; remember this, expressing emotions does not compromise your masculinity; it’s okay to ask for help; you’re not alone; and “you can believe in God and see a therapist” (source unknown). If you are in need of help, there are plenty of Black Doctors seeking to support. For additional resources, check out my podcast 6 Degrees of Black Mental Health or visit https://www.abpsi.org/ for a directory of black psychologists near you. I encourage you to read and listen closely to the lyrics of this song by Yusha Assad, it may provide you with the strength to seek the help you need.

Listen now to HEAL ME,  HERE

With Love,

Dr. Phillip E. Graham

Doctor of Philosophy in Counseling Psychology

 

Supporting Black Love

FUBU | Black Owned | 2019

Businesses created by Black and Brown people stem from the deep roots of our passions. It may have take years to be realized; years to take the leap; the next step to completion; yet we do it.

The service or the product established is because we see a need to be addressed. We conquer our fear(s) and ignore the naysayers. We look past the doubts of close family and friends. We go against the grain and take the road less traveled.

 

For most of us growing up, our path was already paved. College was the route we had to choose. Graduate and obtain the corporate job (or now days non-profits or schools functioning like corporate companies). The American Dream is our goal. Yet we knew the American Dream was not set up with ‘Us” in mind.

 

Now that we’re creating our own streams of income, it exposes our resilience. It exposes our purpose. We did it for the money, yes. However, more importantly we did it to share the gift God gave us with the world.

If you are for Us, Buy From Us.

If you believe in Us, promote Us.

There is a product or service out there created with you in mind. We challenge you to buy Black this month and beyond.

This Is What We Do

We provide access to capital through Black Girl Ventures (@blackgirlventures https://www.blackgirlventures.or)

We shower you with self-care products with Divine Purity (https://www.divinepuritynatural.com/ @divinepurity)

We Connect. Inspire. And Challenge you by doing things with great care, purpose, and intention (@withgreatcare https://www.withgreatcare.com/ )

 

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We wear the Revolution (@radicalrevolutionclothingco)

Our beauty is in our hair

It’s in our skin (@nu_natural_organics)

We design your vision (@digibeedesignstudio https://www.digibeedesignstudio.com/

We UpStart other Black entrepreneurs (@theblackupstart)

 

Our bodies become the canvas (@lauresepaintz https://lauresepaintz.as.me/schedule.php/

Our voice speaks for the younger generation (@lifewiththeprincess https://bit.ly/2WCy8o4)

We bake for your event (@shopsweetcakes & https://www.krissyspastryloungeandcakestudios.com) and cook up the cuisine for your party (@bigjerkwings https://bigjerkwings.com/ & @sluttyveganatl http://sluttyveganatl.com/)

 

We educate your children

We pump our Black fists (@davidbannerlikespictures https://davidbannershop.com)

And we create notes of LOVE (@klovenotes)

We are Uprising through our stories (@wgcuprising)

Our art becomes fashion (@abellecreations)

Our stories speak peace, power, light (@peacepowerlight)

We wear our own brands (@wgcapparel & @monadelanapparel)

 

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We speak God’s truth (@its_priscillab)

We support fathers (@thelinnerfoundation) through community initiatives

Our music challenges your consciousness (@yushaassadmusic)

We are the change we want to see- our actions are political (@salimadofo @blackunitedfront)

 

We assist you in finding your dream home (@jantricejohnson https://www.smothermanpros.com)

Our gift is in our hands- we create masterpieces (@jlamaajstudio)

We make natural products for our children (@playpits https://playpits.com)

And time is on our side (@bensonwatch)

 

We have only touched the surface of businesses founded by Black people. Black Love is supporting Black Businesses. Buy Black this month and beyond.

 

#lovejoypeace

-K. Love

 

Just throw all the “R. Kelly’s” away

Uprising | 2019 | With Great Care & Justice

…or not. Do we really need to mute him and throw him (them) away? How do we make sense of this and where do we go from here?

This is a difficult piece to write and difficult for you to read because our opinions may differ. And that’s ok. Difficult for some because of their life situations and for others, the mass media has told you what and how to think about various subjects.

Let’s start with this

Facts to consider about Robert Sylvester Kelly:

  • He has (allegedly) slept with women who were under the age of 18
  • He has gone to trial on several occasions for sexual misconduct with women under 18
  • He has settled out of court and paid unknown sums of money to individuals and families
  • He went to trial for child pornography
  • He was sexual abused from age 6 or 7 to the age of 14

Here are questions to consider when thinking about #muterkelly:

  • What should adults do in the moment when they know “wrong” is happening?
  • How many of us (or people we know) are victims of sexual misconduct/abuse?
  • Have we decided to mute Harvey Weinstein? Burn all Playboy magazines? WIll we mute Michael Jackson or Elvis Presley?
  • Women- when you were between the ages of 14-17, did you ever desire a man that was too old for you (men that that were 18-25)?
  • When will sexual misconduct end?
  • After the age of 21, “Age Aint Nothin But A Number” is received with open arms. Men and women usually see no probably with a 5-20 year difference when dating.

Again, these are statements and questions to consider. They are not here to imply or lead you to think a certain way. There is a problem in the minds and hearts of some (if not most) people and that has to change.

Lisa Van Allen

Lisa has been vocal since 2018 about her accounts with singe, R. Kelly. She too appeared in the Docuseries, “Surviving R. Kelly”. Recently, she sat with Jada Pinkett Smith at the Red Table Talk Facebook TV series. Van Allen encourages young girls & woman to “Love yourself first”.

We must address the root of the problem and put an end to negative generational behaviors. Where do we begin to heal as a people?

There is a history of sexual predators way before R. Kelly. If we speak racially and historically, people of color are fairly new to this behavior. Whatever the case, the reality is, hurt people, hurt people. Individuals who were not protected as children, became adults who are hurt, abused, and need healing.

We cannot throw Robert Kelly away, nor can we throw all of the “R. Kelly’s” away. Why? Because they are our brothers and sisters. They are people who were and still misguided. Are we going to put the woman (who sexual abused him for years) under the jail cell? Should we have killed the man who tried to force R. Kelly to perform fellatio on him when he was a young boy?

r-kelly

We must start over with love and compassion. Healing and forgiveness. Justice and understanding.

We do NOT excuse his behavior. We do NOT condone his behavior. If he abused his power to do illegal sexual behaviors with teenage girls, take him to court.

Faith Rodgers

Faith Rodgers is suing R. Kelly for threats he (and his team) made after she testified to her experience(s) w/ Kelly on the lifetime Docuseries, “Surviving R. Kelly”.

This information is not new. We’ve known for years about his behavior, yet we went to his concerts, bought his albums, and played his music. He was “sick” then and today, he’s still “sick”.

The people around him should stand and say, “No, not anymore”. #timesup True friends or family members must say, “Brother, you need help”.

We have to take responsibility for our own thoughts and behaviors. We should show compassion. NOT just for R. Kelly. Compassion for EVERYONE in his circle- from the girls (now women). His children and ex-wife. His brothers, family members. His managers, lawyers, everyone.

CHICAGO, IL - APRIL, 21: Portrait of Tracy Sampson in Chicago, IL, (Photo by Whitten Sabbatini/For The Washington Post via Getty Images)

Tracy Sampson, former intern at Epic Records, shares that she was sexual abused by Kelly. It started when she was 16 years old as an intern.

Let us take a different approach at how we handle “monsters”.

May justice be served. May healing for all begin. May we handle human beings with great care, purpose, and intention.

Don’t mute him, them, or us. There are billions of stories to tell when it comes to sexual misconduct. Unmute them all.

 

 

 

Disclaimer-We believe all women and their stories. Especially Black women, we believe you and justice should be served

“I always feel like…somebody’s watching me”

By: Kristi Love | Blogger

@uprisingwgc

Y’all remember that song right? It’s a real thing, but not in a paranoid way. Do you ever feel like individuals are watching you, no matter where you go, you can feel somebody watching you move throughout the room?

That happened to me MLK weekend at a volunteer event with Thursday Network  @thursdaynetwork and Serve DC @servedc  They were hosting their 18th Annual MLK Blanket and Toiletries Drive. I sensed people were watching me especially these two individuals.

Honestly, I was not in the best of spirits that day (initially). The volunteer event was awesome, however, I was not completely present with a positive mindset when I walked in (plus it was crowded and I’m not into crowds for real).

Even in my not so good mood, I did a self-check and changed my mindset. I also had to get it together because I was representing With Great Care, LLC (WGC) an organization I’m a part of so I could not have a negative attitude.

I immediately started to be useful and begin working with my teammates because we were there to serve. As the morning went on a young woman and I kept passing each other. We would smile, halfway acknowledge each another, and keep it moving. I am naturally an observant person, therefore I was already detecting how the members of the lead organizations were navigating and managing the huge crowd (including me) that came to help and give back that day. So, noticing her walk back and forth always had me wondering, “Who are you?”

Then, the last time she and I crossed path’s she finally stopped and said, “What is your name?” “My name is Kristi,” I said. She then told me her name and went on to say how she noticed my shirt (the shirt in the picture) and my positive energy/vibe. I told her about my shirt and With Great Care, LLC WGC and we chatted some more.

In case you missed it, she stopped me after we passed each other on several occasions because of my spirit and energy I decided to have that day. I was initially in a funk but made a decision to give of myself and serve. My spirit became kind, loving, welcoming, and my non-verbal communication made others feel comfortable- I was approachable.

Towards the end of our volunteer shift, another young woman approached me. She did the same, asked about my With Great Care shirt and how she noticed me in the room and wanted to know more because of my spirit. We also discussed our occupations and she shared how she wanted to make more of an impact on individuals directly and not behind the scenes. We laughed, encouraged each other, and ended with “It was nice to meet you”. We connected simply because of my spirit and energy.

I share this not to boast about me, but more about who I represent. Not only do I represent my personal brand, I represent my family, God and specifically on that day I was representing With Great Care, LLC @withgreatcare.  Just think if I had kept my negative attitude sporting the WGC Brand; instead of being approached by two individuals who felt my positive energy, I could have been talked about amongst others in an undesirable manner.

WGC team

With Great Care Team members                @equanimous_soph @yushaassadmusic @loveceejay @klovejoypeace

In the spirit of doing all things with great care, purpose, and intention I must walk in purpose and walk in love, joy, and peace.

I left there feeling grateful to be in that space because ultimately, the light in me was shining, I served those in need and I possibly made a difference in those lady’s lives (from our conversations). They made a difference in my life- realizing how important it is to let your light shine (for others, not self). I knew it wasn’t me that made the impact, it was the God in me.

You never know who’s watching you

Be careful and mindful of your spirit as you go about your day and pay attention to your thoughts. Who do you represent when you leave your home? Be sure to leave the house every day, living life, With Great Care.

Peace and Blessings

 

*photo cred @ceemoments_p